“But you made a promise! You promised me! Damn you! What a disgusting act of cowardice. I counted on you! I trusted you! I want you gone from this place. You are certainly gone from my heart.” Mia shuddered as she shrieked in heart-broken loneliness. “Go! Leave this minute! Out!! Dan’s head was bowed as he mumbled, “its not what you think.” I know what my eyes saw and my heart feels, you heathen! F! U! You pierced my heart and stole my hope.”
I envision the time 40 years later to be approximately the current time, so that would mean the floppy disk transfer would've happened in 1985. That's too early for many of the top DOS games like Doom or Commander Keen. So, I would imagine it would be some sort of homebrew game that was developed in their school's computer lab.
What a bastard. Here I am, freezing cold, and what is he doing? Gurning at me like a demented jester, his mouth all angular and mocking.
The spectacular view was layered over a clear night. We had spied Jupiter, glistening in faint orange, the lack of moonlight making the stars a cleaner white than usual.
Then he was gone. Plummeting into the darkness below.
Eyelids like sandpaper. White so bright it hurts. That ringing in his ear is back, it happens more and more now. A sign of simple aging or of something breaking that won’t be so simple to fix.
He remembers when clocks used to tick. He remembers Mom’s cuckoo clock, and how the little bird groaned at midnight when the machine finally failed.
The cursor blinks patiently, waiting for the words to come. He said they would.
you could swap the second and first paragraphs. "He remembers when clocks used to tick" would be a REALLY strong hook in.
the first two sentences dont seem to fit with the rest.of the intro which is about sound. maybe swap them round, join in one sentence and put at the beginning of the 3rd para which is visual..(.the cursor is blinking)
"White so bright it hurts; eyelids like sandpaper. The cursor blinks patiently ...."
Thanks, Nick. I went stream of consciousness. The ear ringing went along with the first two sensations, but I can see how the order would throw readers off a bit. I can see how your recommendations would fit things together, too. A nice little writing excercise for the day.
totally get the SoC vibe. so it's like whats hitting YOUR mind first. and dont get me wrong... its still an effective piece. it made me stop and go ... what???... and im still intrigued as to WTF is going on!😎
The little boy asked the little girl to hold the football so that he could kick it. She said she would, but when the boy ran up to kick, the girl pulled her hand away. The football fell away just as the boy swung his leg out for a mighty kick so he fell. The boy then told the girl that she was supposed to keep her finger on the ball until he kicked it. “Ok,” she said. “I promise.”
Melanie made a promise that she could stop any time. Harmless crushes. She did that when things got tough. It started with her therapist. She told him because she wanted those feelings to go away. Then he said he felt the same way. They were playing with fire.
That was 5 years ago. Then she met him. It was harmless flirting until it hurt. She needed to stop cold turkey once again. It was the only way.
I wanted to tell her about the places where he touched me. About the things he did to me when Mommy wasn't home. But I said I wouldn't tell, and good girls always keep their promises.
Mommy made a promise too. She said she'd be home three days ago. I waited and waited, but she never came back. She never even called.
“Last one?” Sweat dripping, she glanced at her little boy. Not so little anymore. He towered over her. Swallowed her in bear hugs. A wing span to rival a bald eagle.
And yet, she saw that same little boy, grunting to stretch as wide as the painted wings at the zoo.
“Yeah, mom.” He dropped one more.
She grimaced, rearranging again. Tetris game leveled up. “I know you’re meant to fly the coop...”
The Pied Piper was promised by town’s people gold to rid infestation of rats. He played pipe; The rats followed him to the river where they drowned.
The promise to “pay the piper”was reneged. He vowed revenge. Sunday , while church prayers said, the Pied Piper played. Children entranced followed him to the river to drown like rats; or hidden in a cave. He returned the children after villagers paid three times the original payment to buy their children back.
Found it on the Friday night – at the end of candlelit tables, in a Belfast bar I was desperate to avoid, after crawling out of a cab I wanted to take home, but for the promise made to the musician, that waited for me to hear him perform, in a Church in Donegall Street, after losing myself in Lady Dixon, Tiny Dancer on the keys – that look, in the unforgettable eyes of the woman, that mirrored it back to me.
His legs pumped furiously on the pedals, tearing over the asphalt. He had to get there, he had something important to say.
Leaning into the last corner, he could see the car with the door open. Her suitcase was in the back seat already. She was climbing in, dress hanging on her, her shorts loose and baggy. A scarf protected the top of her bald head from the blazing sun.
The car door closed. He yelled, “I’ll visit. I promise.”
It’s late on a cold January afternoon, dusk is falling as she sits in “her” chair blankly looking out of the window. On the windowsill there’s a series of pictures of the two of them. One of them is of the day, 65 years ago, when they stood in a church and made promises to each other in front of friends and family. This morning, he left in an ambulance and he could not promise to return. Tears fall silently.
Promise:
“But you made a promise! You promised me! Damn you! What a disgusting act of cowardice. I counted on you! I trusted you! I want you gone from this place. You are certainly gone from my heart.” Mia shuddered as she shrieked in heart-broken loneliness. “Go! Leave this minute! Out!! Dan’s head was bowed as he mumbled, “its not what you think.” I know what my eyes saw and my heart feels, you heathen! F! U! You pierced my heart and stole my hope.”
So raw, Jack! Love it.
"How did you find me, Lance?"
"Ahhhh....well...a little bit of time... a little bit luck, and a little bit of...you're a dumb fuck. Bernie."
"It's been...seventeen years! Do you really gotta do this? I got roots man, kids."
"'Fraid so."
."They're going to finger you for this for sure, Lance."
"I'll take my chances."
"I got money, Lance. You can have it."
"You keep it."
He kicked the stool away. "A promise is a promise, Bernie."
PROMPT: PROMISE
THE PROMISE
We’d promised each other we’d stay together forever, and always have each other’s backs.
No matter what.
Brothers for life.
But unfortunately, fate had other ideas.
And bit by bit, our tight-knit group began to fall apart, and we were all forced to go our separate ways.
Stupid pet shop… 😺🐶😎🐶😺
Forty years ago, I handed my friend a floppy disk with a game on it. I never beat it.
When I gave him the floppy, I said, “John, if you manage to complete this, I will pay for all the pizza you buy in your life.”
Today, in my mailbox, I received an envelope with a floppy disk and a note inside.
“Mark – that game sucked. But it’s done.”
Shoot. I now owed him for 40 years worth of pizza.
extra spicy..... but WHAT IS THE GAME!!!!!!!! NEVER MIND THE PIZZAAAAA - THE GAME???
That's a good question!
I envision the time 40 years later to be approximately the current time, so that would mean the floppy disk transfer would've happened in 1985. That's too early for many of the top DOS games like Doom or Commander Keen. So, I would imagine it would be some sort of homebrew game that was developed in their school's computer lab.
Haha. Long lasting bets are always fun.
Microdosing Fiction - 80mg of a Promise
===
She’d been detained for hours at the police station, but she was really confused.
The officer interrogated her on the series of scam calls.
The alleged victims had filed reports on her, citing her past promises that she couldn’t remember. Her boss couldn’t be reached.
The officer was thinking hard, after seeing her medical file. Was she the victim? Was she the offender?
The file said, after a brain injury, she’s incapable of retaining any memories for over 24 hours.
Promise
What a bastard. Here I am, freezing cold, and what is he doing? Gurning at me like a demented jester, his mouth all angular and mocking.
The spectacular view was layered over a clear night. We had spied Jupiter, glistening in faint orange, the lack of moonlight making the stars a cleaner white than usual.
Then he was gone. Plummeting into the darkness below.
Splash!
"Come in, the water is so warm. I promise!"
Bastard.
What just touched my leg?
Eyelids like sandpaper. White so bright it hurts. That ringing in his ear is back, it happens more and more now. A sign of simple aging or of something breaking that won’t be so simple to fix.
He remembers when clocks used to tick. He remembers Mom’s cuckoo clock, and how the little bird groaned at midnight when the machine finally failed.
The cursor blinks patiently, waiting for the words to come. He said they would.
Promise broken, he types. Again.
Do you guys think I should have swapped the 2nd and 3rd sentences? I'm wondering if it would have clarified why 'he' remembers the cuckoo clock.
you could swap the second and first paragraphs. "He remembers when clocks used to tick" would be a REALLY strong hook in.
the first two sentences dont seem to fit with the rest.of the intro which is about sound. maybe swap them round, join in one sentence and put at the beginning of the 3rd para which is visual..(.the cursor is blinking)
"White so bright it hurts; eyelids like sandpaper. The cursor blinks patiently ...."
Thanks, Nick. I went stream of consciousness. The ear ringing went along with the first two sensations, but I can see how the order would throw readers off a bit. I can see how your recommendations would fit things together, too. A nice little writing excercise for the day.
totally get the SoC vibe. so it's like whats hitting YOUR mind first. and dont get me wrong... its still an effective piece. it made me stop and go ... what???... and im still intrigued as to WTF is going on!😎
I agree with Nick. I enjoy the story but shoving the sentences around a bit could really make it pop!
The little boy asked the little girl to hold the football so that he could kick it. She said she would, but when the boy ran up to kick, the girl pulled her hand away. The football fell away just as the boy swung his leg out for a mighty kick so he fell. The boy then told the girl that she was supposed to keep her finger on the ball until he kicked it. “Ok,” she said. “I promise.”
A Love Addict
Melanie made a promise that she could stop any time. Harmless crushes. She did that when things got tough. It started with her therapist. She told him because she wanted those feelings to go away. Then he said he felt the same way. They were playing with fire.
That was 5 years ago. Then she met him. It was harmless flirting until it hurt. She needed to stop cold turkey once again. It was the only way.
"Did he ever hurt you?" asked the police lady.
I wanted to tell her about the places where he touched me. About the things he did to me when Mommy wasn't home. But I said I wouldn't tell, and good girls always keep their promises.
Mommy made a promise too. She said she'd be home three days ago. I waited and waited, but she never came back. She never even called.
"No," I said. I wasn't bad like Mommy was.
oh hell no. This makes my skin crawl. So well done Leigh!
Mission accomplished lol.
eeeeeeeeeew! toe curling.
𝗠𝗶𝗰𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗼𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 Miguel S.| 80 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 | 𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗦𝗘
“Last one?” Sweat dripping, she glanced at her little boy. Not so little anymore. He towered over her. Swallowed her in bear hugs. A wing span to rival a bald eagle.
And yet, she saw that same little boy, grunting to stretch as wide as the painted wings at the zoo.
“Yeah, mom.” He dropped one more.
She grimaced, rearranging again. Tetris game leveled up. “I know you’re meant to fly the coop...”
“Don’t worry, mom. I’ll visit.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
That's superb!
Promise 80 words
The Pied Piper was promised by town’s people gold to rid infestation of rats. He played pipe; The rats followed him to the river where they drowned.
The promise to “pay the piper”was reneged. He vowed revenge. Sunday , while church prayers said, the Pied Piper played. Children entranced followed him to the river to drown like rats; or hidden in a cave. He returned the children after villagers paid three times the original payment to buy their children back.
Found it on the Friday night – at the end of candlelit tables, in a Belfast bar I was desperate to avoid, after crawling out of a cab I wanted to take home, but for the promise made to the musician, that waited for me to hear him perform, in a Church in Donegall Street, after losing myself in Lady Dixon, Tiny Dancer on the keys – that look, in the unforgettable eyes of the woman, that mirrored it back to me.
classy!
Cheers Nick!
His legs pumped furiously on the pedals, tearing over the asphalt. He had to get there, he had something important to say.
Leaning into the last corner, he could see the car with the door open. Her suitcase was in the back seat already. She was climbing in, dress hanging on her, her shorts loose and baggy. A scarf protected the top of her bald head from the blazing sun.
The car door closed. He yelled, “I’ll visit. I promise.”
It’s late on a cold January afternoon, dusk is falling as she sits in “her” chair blankly looking out of the window. On the windowsill there’s a series of pictures of the two of them. One of them is of the day, 65 years ago, when they stood in a church and made promises to each other in front of friends and family. This morning, he left in an ambulance and he could not promise to return. Tears fall silently.